Editing & Proofreading ·
Reader's report — wartime fiction manuscript
Twenty-four pages assessed for a publisher: plot, pacing, characterisation and market, with a tagline drawn from the text itself.
A reader's report on a 24-page manuscript sample — war fiction about a soldier who wakes in a field with no memory — written to a publisher's set form, with a two-page limit and a review date of 9 November 2021.
The analysis works from evidence in the text: the detail of the fluid that is "not mucus", the paragraph breaks that carry confusion without confusing the reader, the remembered house in Hampshire pacing the slow return of memory. The market section names three comparable titles — Matchlock and the Embassy, The Child of Auschwitz, The Book Thief — and says what this manuscript has that they don't.
It closes with a page-referenced note for the editor and a tagline lifted from the manuscript itself: "You need to make a note of everything. Nothing in his head was safe."
- Portfolio piece
- Assess a 24-page manuscript sample for a publisher, in no more than two pages
- 604 words · plot, analysis, market, competition, editor's notes
Reader’s Report
Note to reviewer: Please do not exceed 2 pages
Title (if known):
Author (if known):
Word Count (or no. of words/pages reviewed): 24 pages
Genre: War/ Historical Fiction
Reviewer: Isabelle Oliveira
Date of review: 09/11/2021
Tagline for manuscript:
You need to make a note of everything. Nothing in his head was safe.
Brief plot description:
A soldier has woken up in an unknown field with no memory of who he is, where he is, or what he was doing last. His head pounds and his stomach aches as he stumbles through unfamiliar territories trying to gather information. He encounters horrors and battles with his surroundings and his mind.
Analysis:
The addition of the liquid coming from his nose ‘not mucus’ is a very interesting detail for readers who know that it is cerebral fluid. It adds a sense of panic since Owen is clueless to the seriousness of his symptom, and sheds light on why he cannot remember who he is.
The paragraph breaks are very cohesive and make the story easy to read. It gives an intuitive sense of thought without being confusing. The story flows and you can get a clear sense of the surroundings because the description comes in manageable chunks which give a cinematic quality to the discovery of the scenery.
Adding details that he can remember, such as the house in Hampshire, mimics the sense of slow realisation that he could not remember who he was and that he was not home. It paints a vivid picture in the mind of the reader of his thought process and state of mind by placing a small moment of relatability (being confused by where you are when you first wake up) in a moment which would be ordinarily out of their reach.
Potential market and competition:
Matchlock and the Embassy: A Thirty Years War Story: An historical fiction based on the 100 years war finds a young boy attempting to uncover the mystery of his parents murder pulled into a war.
It is a series so it may develop a serial fan base with more opportunity for development.
May also appeal to fantasy readers because of its setting in the 1600s.
The Child of Auschwitz: An historical fiction following the lives of two women in Auschwitz during WWII.
The emotional nature of the book may attract more young readers and thus a wider fanbase (As opposed to an older fanbase who read traditional historical fiction books).
It is about the conditions inside Auschwitz which will intrigue readers of most genres due to the recognisable name on the cover.
The Book Thief: An historical fiction based on the story of a young girl who steals books to read to the Jewish man they are hiding in their basement.
Has a reputation so readers who are new to the ‘historical fiction’ genre may opt for a book that is more well-known and recommended.
What this book has that those don’t:
None of the competitors that I have mentioned are based on the story of a soldier injured/lost at war. It offers a unique perspective of the war that perhaps people will be intrigued to read about.
The sense of discovering the character’s identity alongside him as the book develops is an interesting technique that will keep the reader engaged, looking for new information.
Suggestions for editor:
On page 13 ‘the plants looked underdeveloped for this time of year though, the runner beans no more than scrawny infants reaching their arms up the canes.’ It was said earlier that he could not tell what time of year it was so its jarring.
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