Editing & Proofreading ·
Copyedit — Natural History Museum, meteorites
Museum copy on the origin of the solar system, copyedited in tracked changes for sense, capitalisation and the difference between a planet and a plant.
A visitor-facing text on meteorites and the origin of the solar system, copyedited in Word with every change tracked. The draft arrived with the hazards of enthusiastic prose: "soul system" for solar system, capitals scattered across planet names, and sentences that buried their point mid-clause.
The edit works at two levels. In the text, informal phrasing is replaced — "we were lucky enough to acquire" becomes "the NHM purchased" — capitalisation is made consistent, and long sentences are split so each carries one fact. In the margin, 35 comments separate what an editor may decide from what an author must: fact checks, register queries and a "what year?" are raised rather than silently resolved.
The document went from 700 to 514 words.
- Publishing coursework, Bath Spa University
- Copyedit visitor-facing copy on meteorites and the origin of the solar system
- 700 → 514 words · 58 deletions, 62 insertions, 35 comments
- 35 author queries raised on fact, register and consistency
word deletedword addedword written in aboveword my comment — select it
One of the most fascinating questions in geology is the origin of the Sun and planets-our Solar System. The formation of the soul system is difficult to learn about using rocks from the earth, because all samples from our own planet have been processed andchanged over its long history.Luckily, we do have some samples (fragments of asteroids, which made up the building blocks of plants) that have hardly hardly changed at all since the beginning of the solar system’s beginnings. These are fragments of asteroids, which made up the building blocks of plants.
Beyond mars there is a belt of Asteroids that were prevented from forming into a planet by the gravitationall forces of Jupiter. Instead theserocks remain much as they were when the other Planets formed, and so they can tell us about what the environment was like at that time. Occasional collisions in the Asteroid belt can bring samples of rocks to Earth in the form of meteorites.
Occasional collisions in the Asteroid belt can bring samples of rocks to Earth in the form of meteorites.
We have one of the worlds finest collections of meteorites at the Museum, which supports an active research team, whose work is mainly funded by the Science and Technology Facility Council, from meteorites we have learnt that the age of the solar system is around 4.4billion years and that the first stages of planet formation took only a few million years to complete, a blink of an eye in solar system timesales..
Last year
we were lucky enough to acquire one of the most important meteorites of all for our collection of meteorites. Called Ivuna, it looks like a extremely highly unimpressive, fine-grained black rock. However if you look at its chemical composition you realize how special it is. The aboundance of nearly every element is the same as the abundance of elements in the Sun, the main components of our star.-Since the sun makes up more than 99% of the mass of the whole Solar System, this means that Ivuma has the same composition as the whole solar system and, we can use this meteorite to learn about exactly what we are made of.
One of the most fascinating questions in geology is the origin of our solar system. It is difficult to learn about the formation of the solar system using rocks from the earth, because all samples from our own planet have been processed and changed over its long history.
Beyond mars there is a belt of asteroids that were prevented from forming into a planet by the Jupiter’s gravitational pull. These rocks remain much as they were when the other planets formed, and can tell us what the environment was like at the time of the solar system’s beginnings.
Occasional collisions in the asteroid belt can bring samples of rocks to Earth in the form of meteorites The Natural History Museum (NHM) has one of the world’s finest collections of meteorites along with an active research team, whose work is mainly funded by the Science and Technology Facility Council. From studying the meteorites we have learned that the solar system is around 4.5 billion-years-old and that the first stages of planet formation took only a few million years to complete – a relatively miniscule amount of time.
In June 2008, the NHM purchased Ivuna, one of the most important meteorites in its collection. At first glance, it looks like a highly unimpressive, fine-grained, black rock however, inspection of its chemical composition reveals that the abundance of almost every element is the same as those in the sun, which makes up more than 99 per cent of the mass of the solar system. Since Ivuna has the same composition as the whole solar system, it can be used to learn about exactly what we are made of.
This passage carries 38 deletions and 35 insertions in tracked changes: 363 words before the edit, 275 after. Use the Before and Final views to read either state in full.
My margin comments (25)
- Rewrite?
- Informal
- Necessary?
- Too informal?
- Capital Letter?
- Pull? Jupiter’s gravitational pull?
- Fact check
- Concise? More formal
- h
- Correct word?
- Perhaps she means sports?
- Rewrite?
- Fact check
- Cliché
- What year?
- Rewrite?
- Can this be said more concisely and formally?
- Rewrite?
- Would this be better if rewritten?
- Is this clear
- Informal, rewrite.
- Capital letter consistency?
- Necessary?
- Unclear meaning
- Rewrite
Want to see the next piece?